...so i touched it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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