We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
