my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize