Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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