Me. At least after what I've been through.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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