So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
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So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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