How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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