dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
