I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
