Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize