I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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