If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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