You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
