nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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