I cannot find my penis.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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