He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
