I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
where does the pee come out of this thing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
