Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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