I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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