oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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