Just cropdusted the office
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
