I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.