My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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