i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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