We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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