I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
