dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee