Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.