Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?