Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
  Replies (92) Good night (4806) Bad night (1036)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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  (330): Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope http://tfl.nu/5njb
  Replies (17) Good night (730) Bad night (4221)
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  (718): View more from New York

  you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"

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  (718): you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass" http://tfl.nu/foy3
  Replies (22) Good night (1133) Bad night (4598)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now

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  (847): Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now http://tfl.nu/tfy2
  Replies (2) Good night (1991) Bad night (1041)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself

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  (570): Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself http://tfl.nu/yahv
  Replies (3) Good night (976) Bad night (1949)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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  (+44): cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked. http://tfl.nu/v3oz
  Replies (3) Good night (2402) Bad night (557)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.

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  (239): I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore. http://tfl.nu/vgm4
  Replies (7) Good night (1809) Bad night (793)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?

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  (217): Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/sask
  Replies (4) Good night (738) Bad night (1843)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato

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  (708): you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato http://tfl.nu/7tnq
  Replies (4) Good night (2576) Bad night (563)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

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  (509): As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer. http://tfl.nu/wazh
  Replies (5) Good night (1301) Bad night (643)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?

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  (719): Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again? http://tfl.nu/dyj9
  Replies (3) Good night (1438) Bad night (527)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.

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  (414): Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask. http://tfl.nu/qumd
  Replies (6) Good night (1130) Bad night (484)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.

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  (613): Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad (1-613): I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it. http://tfl.nu/4mo6
  Replies (0) Good night (942) Bad night (494)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.

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  (215): she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/hoyt
  Replies (8) Good night (966) Bad night (730)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat

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  (306): i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat http://tfl.nu/pcnf
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (335)

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