But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.