ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.