What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.