i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money