Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?

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  (214): she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her? http://tfl.nu/okee
  Replies (27) Good night (736) Bad night (3220)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife

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  (386): I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife http://tfl.nu/xcgm
  Replies (37) Good night (3943) Bad night (1419)
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  (707): View more from California

  We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

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  (707): We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday. http://tfl.nu/jjrt
  Replies (23) Good night (3793) Bad night (974)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

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  (207): I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something. http://tfl.nu/x6k7
  Replies (21) Good night (6767) Bad night (939)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?

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  (416): At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/a2wn
  Replies (13) Good night (2740) Bad night (905)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

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  (810): You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/18uj
  Replies (4) Good night (3400) Bad night (876)
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  (559): View more from California

  Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.

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  (559): Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor. http://tfl.nu/6xcl
  Replies (9) Good night (2136) Bad night (643)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.

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  (502): The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him. http://tfl.nu/w8du
  Replies (13) Good night (1925) Bad night (652)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body

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  (870): I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body http://tfl.nu/2hgi
  Replies (15) Good night (540) Bad night (2151)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..

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  (850): when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys.. http://tfl.nu/5j7g
  Replies (26) Good night (1015) Bad night (2555)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong

  (813): View more from Florida

  Thats admirable.

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  (719): he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong (813): Thats admirable. http://tfl.nu/7e4g
  Replies (7) Good night (1372) Bad night (651)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If I was 5 years younger and single...

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She STILL wouldn't fuck you.

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  (508): If I was 5 years younger and single... (413): She STILL wouldn't fuck you. http://tfl.nu/p2kv
  Replies (4) Good night (1231) Bad night (718)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket

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  (+44): you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket http://tfl.nu/sq21
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (304)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it

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  (571): My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it http://tfl.nu/xr2p
  Replies (2) Good night (317) Bad night (490)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke

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  (610): And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke http://tfl.nu/9l8b
  Replies (1) Good night (218) Bad night (601)

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