Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
