Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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