Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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