He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
