Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
