WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.