Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?