there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?