omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
