Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
