xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Who died my cat blue again?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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