My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
