you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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