I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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