i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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