i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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