just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize