At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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