My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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