I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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