wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean