I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.