i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?