I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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