Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Where are you guys?
Drunk
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
