We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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