You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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