If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
